Jun 27 2017
Some People Say Forgive And Forget…I Say Forget About Forgiving And Just Accept. And… Get The Hell Out Of Town.
Truthfully, I’ve never been very good at closing the doors on the past. I’m a movie buff and Hollywood has taught me to always look for closure, that final moment where you can close that door for good, having all issues resolved and that particular plot point of your life completed.
But real life isn’t like that. You don’t get over the death of a loved one by fulfilling a dying wish. Instead, you stay filled with regret that you didn’t say goodbye. That childhood bully didn’t end up fat and alone. Instead, he’s doing really well for himself with a lovely family and a full head of hair. You don’t move past a bad break-up with an emotionally charged, drunken weekend away with friends. Instead, you see that person again in a bar the following week. You sleep together again a few weeks later. You get back together, realise it was a mistake, breakup all over again, sleep with their best friend, get kicked in the nuts by their sister… ahem, this one is running away from me. My point is, life isn’t like the movies – it’s far more complicated and rarely do we get the resolution we desire.
And I really struggle with that. I like the neat packages. I like my endings to be tied up with bows.
The tagline to my blog comes from my favourite film, Grosse Pointe Blank. It’s the movie’s closing lines – “Some people say forgive and forget…I say forget about forgiving and just accept. And… get the hell out of town.” I’ve always loved the lines but I’m not sure I ever really gave them much thought beyond, “that sounds cool”. I’ve always liked the idea of moving on though.
I’ve been hurt in the past and while it’s not easy to forget and even harder to forgive (I probably still haven’t forgiven many people for the wrongs that have befallen me), I’ve found it possible to just move on. I’ve stayed friends with exes that have hurt me. In most cases, we’re better as friends anyway.
When it comes to family, I’m not sure we have much choice but to move on. They’re a fixture in your life. You can choose to be angry at that awkward wall in your hallway or you can walk past it. That wall will always be there. Is it really worth eating yourself up about it?
So, I move on. These people stay in my life, for better or for worse. Closure doesn’t come and life just simply goes on.
But I’ve recently been thinking about the last part of my tagline – “And get the hell out of town”. In the movie, our heroes are having their version of a typical Hollywood ride off into the sunset, so I just accepted those words at their face value. But maybe there’s something to it. Maybe closure comes with distance.
Six months ago, I made a huge move. I left Ireland. I packed my bags and moved to Scotland, to Edinburgh. It has been life-changing. All of the fears I had about missing my life and my city proved unfounded. I quickly found a new life. I do miss my friends from back home, and I’ve been lucky that so many have visited and continue to visit, but I am making new friends here. Far more importantly, I seem to have left a huge amount of baggage back in Ireland. I have left behind some very negative relationships. I have left behind bad memories and empty gestures of contrition. I’ve closed the door on many parts of my life that have been open wounds for years. In short, I’ve found closure.
People, places, moments that stressed me out, made me cringe or worry or angry or sad – they’ve all fizzled away. They’re like stories from another lifetime now. And all it took was a short plane journey across the Irish sea.
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I realise that this has been less of a cohesive article and more of a stream of consciousness, so thank you for reading. I’m trying my best to write regularly again and this old blog seems like a great place to start. Welcome to my new readers (the stats say there are a good few of you) and hi again to anyone who remembers the old days of my incessant ramblings.
