Jul 31 2008
Get Off Me
I got on the DART as normal this morning. I sat in my usual seat. I had my usual journey (the train was running a few minutes late). I got up to stand at the train doors and Grand Canal Dock, so I can get off quickly at Pearse Station, as usual. What was not so usual was the strange middle-aged woman who had no concept of personal space.
I had my hand on the poll beside me and she moved through a few people to come to a stop right beside me and the poll. She then proceeded to rub her middle-aged breasts against my arm. At first I assumed she hadn’t noticed and the cramped DART forced her into this compromising position. So, I moved slightly. Problem solved!
Nope – she followed me and continued to rub her middle-aged breasts against my arm. The DART was not that packed. There was plenty of space. There was no excuses – this woman was rubbing herself against me on purpose. And to make matters worse, the DART had now come to a halt just before Pearse Station.
There is a term, according to the urban dictionary, ‘frotting‘, which is when men rub their genitalia against women on busy public transport to get a sexual thrill. Can the term be used to describe women who do something similar?
A short while and a small move later I notice that her middle-aged breasts have two very obvious, very protruding middle-aged nipples. It’s at this point that I panic and run to the corner to cower like a frightened animal.
I feel violated!
Is this a common thing? Do middle aged-women do this a lot? Do younger women do it? I’m not sure I’d have such a problem if the rubbing was being done by two breasts who were not middle aged. I’m just sayin’!
Grannymar would not and never did. You don’t need to climb the mountain to enjoy the scenery!
I know a lady who worked in a grocery shop in my town when she was young. The owner was very fond of ‘frotting her each time he passed. A sales rep noticed and when the owner went into the store at the back of the shop, the rep asked the girl if the owner did that very often. Blushing the girl nodded and whispered yes. The rep told her that next time he did it, she was to say in a very loud voice so all the customers would hear; ‘Next time you do that I will report you to the police’.
She had reason to do what the rep suggested and the owner never touched her again. The woman is my age group. She told me that tale 10 years ago and how she had never forgotten the advice – the rep was my Jack.
At least they weren’t middle aged man-boobs if that helps? No? I’ll get my coat.
Given your penchant for squeezing random boobs – I’d just look on it as Karma.
I’m reminded of Emo Philips:
“You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: stuff you pay good money for in later life.”
That’s timely. I get a Urban Dictionary’s word of the day and yesterday’s was ” Brush the Horse: When you are walking past someone in close proximity and your body parts touch theirs. Thus, making you feel uncomfortable.”
@Grannymar “You don’t need to climb the mountain to enjoy the scenery!” I am literally lol. As for your story, it’s both heartwarming and a touch disturbing.
@Pedro Yeah, let me get the door for you. 😐
@Lottie Me? Boobs? Never!
@GreenInk 🙂 Excellent! Although, I did have a teacher in school who got a little too close occassionally. We didn’t complain though – she was quite cute.
@JohnB Brushing the horse sounds accidental. Middle-aged breast lady was definitely doing it on purpose. Who the hell comes up with these terms???
Ahh Darren I laughed when I read this, have to agree with Lottie though, maybe this lady knows you’re fond of grabbing boobs and was offering you hers??!!
It could have been Andrew up behind you, which is worse 😉
‘I’m not sure I’d have such a problem if the rubbing was being done by two breasts who were not middle aged.’
Are boobs not boobs no matter how old? Just saying like…
What’s with all the big letters? It’s a blog Darren, not the book of Kells 😛
^^^ ^^^
Comment of the month 😀
@Mary There’s no boobs like your boobs!
@David A tru connoissieur knows quality.
@Darragh You’ve seen my signature, right? I love to start with the big flouncy letters. 🙂
“Comment of the month”.
Uh oh. A lightbulb just went on over Mulley’s head.
J.
Did you have a shower yet? You may still have some forensic evidence on your body…
1800 778888. They don’t judge. They just listen.
Er, that was me.
Ahem, nice meeting you, anyway.
@ray – knowing darren’s love of you Ray, all I can say is he wishes…
Jesus, I told ma not to go out until she replenished her prescription.
Where’ve you been the last couple of days Byrne? It’s about as long a gap as you’ve ever left
I don’t know which is funnier Darren your blog or Darragh’s comment on the book of Kells!
Hilarious stuff, thanks for the laugh.
Oh and be careful on the dart next week incase it becomes a daily routine for the middle aged breasts! 🙂
Sharon Stone and Demi Moore are both middle aged. Is it purely the middle aged aspect that got to you or just this particular middle aged woman?
@John 😆
@Pauric Thank you. I’m glad someone finally understands what I went through.
@Ray That wasn’t you! Your breasts are far perkier.
@Andy I’ve been having a busy offline life. Damn me and my stupid social life. 🙂
@Stella I’ll be wearing my big duffle coat from now on to ward off any advances from middle-aged breasts.
@LeCraic Ah! Yes, I maybe didn’t think about it fully. It was perhaps just those particular middle-aged breasts that I had an issue with. Michelle Pfeiffer’s middle-aged breasts may not have upset me so much.
I’m noticing a pattern here between your middle aged dart boobs and Lottie’s dart willy….mmm…I smell fish!
Ahh thanks Darren you’re to generous, so any more rub up’s or down’s this morning??
Ah the lovely Michelle, how I could I forget her and might as well add Laura Linney too.
I can safely say I’ve never intentionally rubbed my boobs against a stranger. Though I have occasionally touched other ladies’ boobs while gesticulating – always embarrassing.